excuse me, i’m introverting.

I could write about this all day, every day for infinity. But I won’t. I do feel it necessary to explain why I need to introvert and why you should leave me the hell alone while I’m doing it.

Long weekends mean that Major is home for four days in a row. 24/7 of him. In my quiet space. Should be a blessing, right? I think we finally reached the point where we have been physically together for more than 50 percent of our relationship now so I should be glad to have time with him…Except…except he’s in grad school and when he’s home he’s avoiding schoolwork. Know how he avoids schoolwork? By twirling (literally) around the living room, eating anything that doesn’t move in the pantry and refrigerator, playing with the dog, reading stupid articles out loud to me while I am trying to read, etc. I have a 35-year old toddler when he’s avoiding school. MOM! MOM! MOM! LOOK WHAT I CAN DO!

Introvert doesn’t mean “shy.” If you met me for half a second you would know I’m fairly obnoxious and will generally talk to anyone. Introvert means I get my energy from quiet time, from being alone. I start my day SLOWLY. When I wake up I take about 20 minutes to check social media and email on my phone. Then I take the dog out. Then I drink a big cup of water (hydrations matters!) Then I have a cup of coffee. At this point I’m ready to either work out or do chores or whatever. I don’t interact with a human all day until Major gets home most of the time. It’s fucking great…unless you have a high-strung toddler in your house ruining it.

cleese

That’s my placeholder for The Walking Dead and dishes and laundry. I’m also torturing myself by watching SNL 40. Sigh. Umm, I, well, I just should have known better. It’s like an awards show – a big celebrity reach-around fest. Back to introversion:

I’m not LONELY. I just like BEING ALONE for parts of my day to recharge and try to be a functioning human. It’s hard. I have no idea how I’m going to rejoin the working world if that ever happens. Being solitary is amazing. I pick my nose all the time. When I was working, it used to be my lunchtime bathroom stall activity. Now I just do it whenever I fucking please. You don’t have to really get dressed. I wear a lot of leggings and button-up shirts and slippers and my glasses all the time, except that’s because my eyes are shitty and I can’t see without them. I really only take them off to eat because I will always splash liquid or sauce on them BECAUSE I’M A LADY.

If you get offended and think that I am ignoring you, you’re wrong. If I need serious recharge time, I’m not answering the phone/text/Twitter/Facebook/Myspace/Snapchat for ANYONE. Major could text me from upstairs and I would pretend I didn’t see it when he came downstairs. (He wouldn’t really do that. He would just interrupt whatever I was doing face-to-face because his antics are personal. He’s an officer and a pain in my ass.) And I’m so out of my beloved introvert schedule this weekend that I can’t even focus long enough to give you 1,000 words tonight and that’s just how it’s going to have to be. AND THAT’S HOW BAD IT IS WHEN I DON’T GET ALONE TIME.

I’m an introvert, and that’s ok!

I hermit all night, and I hermit all day!

I’m into a serious Monty Python mindset today. I was watching Fawlty Towers on Netflix one day and I realized that all my coping skills come from Basil Fawlty. I had a freak-out of this caliber on a dryer sheet today https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=78b67l_yxUc simply because I hated its existence and I didn’t want it on the floor or in the basket or IN MY LIFE at that moment. Dead. Dead to me.

Bye.

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excuse me, i’m introverting.

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