Ugh, I promised myself I would post every other day so here are random thoughts to check the box. System drives behavior! Quantity over quality!

How come some enterprising individual hasn’t invented a service where you pay to NOT see advertising? You would pay to avoid certain products or companies or types of commercials. For example, if you watch shows on TLC because you love the psychology behind obesity and makeovers you have to watch the same five commercials all day. I would pay to never see another fucking Duggar again. That family grinds my gears. It’s a uterus, not a clown car.

I really enjoy the show on TLC called My Big Fat Fabulous Life. The show is about Whitney and she is a large lady but I just really enjoy her spirit. I almost can’t say that without laughing only because it’s so far from something I would typically say, but she really has a tremendous attitude and she just owns it without being obnoxious. I enjoy Hoarding: Buried Alive because I am June Cleaver compared to those housekeepers.

“I know what I want for Valentine’s Day,” I announced as I came out of the shower yesterday. Major was sitting on the floor messing around with his new hard drive full of movies. That sounds SUPER dirty. He keeps asking me what I want and I keep telling him nothing. For real, not a wife trap. Except yesterday when I was in the shower. My shower pouf is white yet it was full of tiny, black shavings. FULL, intertwined in the loops and mesh that cannot be removed. Hmm, what could that be? Oh, perhaps my handsome husband rinsed out his razor almost directly at the shower head thereby dumping all the disgusting beard trimmings into my shower sponge. “Oh really,” he fell straight into my trap. “Yes, a NEW SHOWER POUF, YOU SICKO. YOU DUMPED ALL THE GROSSNESS IN MY SPONGE!!” He skillfully kept his eyes on the hard drive, no eye contact. “They are $2 so make sure you pick a NICE ONE, REAL FLUFFY.” And that is how you nag.


Little Shiner has decided that he hates walks now. I don’t know what to do with him. We get excited. I put on my running shoes and wear my fleece and hat and all things that indicate we are going for a walk. We jump and twirl so I can’t put the leash on because WE ARE SO FUCKING EXCITED! We go outside. We immediately take a dump in the front yard. We take a dump in the neighbor’s yard. Then the magic happens – we hunker down. No more moving for me. I’m Shiner! I am in charge! Mom gets mad but exhibits patience. We just stand in the spot for a minute and then start walking again. NOPE! HUNKER DOWN, BOYS! This weekend we discovered mole tunnels near the spot where he was refusing to move. Oh, that must be it! He smells them and wants to murder their entire mole families! Mystery solved! False. He did it again today. It was cold and between rain showers so I let him sniff around for a bit then we just headed home. Home was about 25 feet away. Sigh.

I need a little refill on my wine before I listen to Jon Stewart announce that he will be leaving The Daily Show later this year so I can pout and be “sad” because a man I don’t know is moving on to do better things with his career or spend time with his family HOW DARE HE??!!


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