My space-out time has increased over the last two weeks. I keep finding and applying for good jobs and even the crickets have gotten bored of me. SILENCE. So like a good little wallower, I watch a lot of TV and pout. It used to feel good to take a sick day occasionally to watch some bad daytime TV, take naps, and wear pajamas all day. Key word in that sentence is OCCASIONALLY. This is my MO now: roll out of bed, take vitamins, take dog out, have coffee, watch TV/nap, go to bed. There is intermittent eating sprinkled throughout the day, which is why I wear pajamas so often.
ANYWAY, I want to give you some insight into why I love the shows that I do, no matter how vapid, asinine, juvenile, and rotten. Let’s begin!
Dr. Phil – oh dear LAWD I can’t even be mad. Down here he is on at 9 am. I often hop out of bed and do all my morning “chores” just so I can watch baldy. The topics are all over the place but I enjoy his condescending attitude mixed with empathy. It’s funny how he combines them. The absolute best part is the shameless advertising where he hands his crying guests a strategically-folded Dr. Phil handkerchief. They are dabbing their eyes while simultaneously plugging his show. Genius. It’s like Ricky Bobby advertising on his windshield.
The Doctors – this is the show I love to hate. I imagine this is what it looks like when TMZ and Dr. Oz have a dumpster baby. I don’t watch either. (Do NOT Google “dumpster baby”, please.) It’s salacious medical “advice” and “information” mixed with local news-esque teasers about “the item in your cabinets that will KILL your children. NEXT!” And it’s always some idiot thing that anyone who doesn’t watch this show already knows to keep away from children, like ammonia. There are three women doctors that seem like they could hold down a show that I would actually watch, but the rest of them are irritating. If nude photos of Dr. Travis leaked, I would look at them. I think he might have been on The Bachelor, which just sends me into a self-loathing shame spiral.
I finally reached my saturation point of The Doctors one day and found Wendy Williams. That is one sassy broad. I assumed she was a comedian but after a very scientific search of Wikipedia she is a former DJ. (She has a degree in communications from Northeastern, which I did not see coming.) What I appreciate is her giant personality which is reflected in her giant accessories, her bright clothes, and her big voice. Mind you, she gives HORRID advice but it’s so obscene you have to laugh.
The best, the king, the McDonald’s of my daytime soul, Maury.
Maury used to be a legitimate journalist yet somehow he is in charge of remediating middle school health class. If people paid attention in sex ed class, understood ovulation, and took responsibility for their actions, he would be out of a job AND THEN WHAT WOULD I DO????!!!! It’s all paternity tests and lie detector tests now but once in a while you will still get a wild teen episode to break it up. He’s also on twice a day here, which is twice the grandpa hugs.
After Maury I do really unproductive things like space out, check Facebook and Twitter, nap, eat, repeat. But I wanted to share a few of my favorite things.
YOU get a Maury! and YOU get a Dr. Phil! And YOU get a Wendy!