Tracy Bonham has a song called “Mother, Mother” and it was one of my favorite angry girl anthems. She didn’t get as much love as Alanis Morrissette or Tori Amos but I enjoyed her. One of my brothers, umm, acquired the cassette tape for me so I loved it even more. There is another song on that album called “Brain Crack.” For absolutely no reason it’s been stuck in my head lately.
Have you ever heard the sound
Of your head on the ground?
And you’re afraid to stay
And it won’t go away
That’s the sound of your brain cracking
I watch my favorite trifecta of smart-asses on Comedy Central almost every night: Stewart, Colbert, Hardwick. I fell asleep on the couch at some point after @Midnight and woke up balled up in the corner of the “L” with the light on. Major decided to sleep flopped completely in the middle of the bed and half on my special curved orthotic neck pillow. I stood over him like a creeper for a bit and decided I would just take my pillow and go sleep in the guest room, rather than wake him up. I woke him up trying to steal it. After I shoved him over I tried to fall asleep.
At this point it is 2am, my least favorite time of the whole day. There is something unsettling about it, something so inexplicably, unreasonably, unnecessarily eerie. Terror creeps over me and into my chest like a balloon filling all my veins, replacing my blood until it bursts and I feel cold and frozen. This is frequent. If I am awake during this time, this happens. K8, just chill out. OH THANKS FOR THAT NEW TIP AND PIECE OF ADVICE. Things I frequently tell myself as this is going on:
– That’s the ice maker clunking.
– That’s the central air vents.
– That’s Shiner jumping on and off the couch. (Totally naughty.)
The attempt to reason with my brain goes on as long as it takes for either the house to settle or for me to fall back asleep. It is not a good feeling. I used to think our house is haunted then the reality, the worst realization, is that this is what it’s like when your brain is cracking.