ICYMI: umm everything?

Oh hey, you’re still here? Ten months is a long time between updates, jackass. Ya, I know. I’ve been BUSY. I had this master plan to relaunch this, rebrand it, get some cool graphics, set up a real website, etc but my super talented friend was working on another project so she didn’t have time at that point to design for me and then I was like “oh well I guess I will wait until she’s free” and then I got distracted and the fan keeps saying “when is the next update?” so here we are. If my tomfoolery brings joy to just one person then I guess it’s worth it. So, what have I been doing?

I quit my job, moved across the country, got married WHILE moving across the country, made some wreaths, put some burlap around some vases, exploded some gourds, painted some gourds, went to IKEA, and took naps. I haven’t found a job just yet but I have applied to a million of them. So let’s break down a typical k8 day, shall we?

0700 – wake up when Major wakes up as he crashes around in the kitchen and pretends he’s trying to be quiet. Go back to sleep.
0830 – get up for real. Take dog out, make coffee, get dog new water and food, take some vitamins.
0900 – watch Dr. Phil. He’s the new McDonald’s of my soul. My favorite part is when he gives guests a handkerchief and it has a big, shameless “Dr. Phil” logo embroidered on it. Perfect.
1000 – some crap is on tv but I’m usually on Facebook messenger or the Twitter or Pinterest.
1100 – the true father of daytime tv is on for the first time: Maury.
1200 – Gilmore Girls is on ABC Family. I generally put this on and put on workout clothes.
1300 – Workout? Maybe. It’s only 20 minutes but there’s a good chance I’m cleaning the kitchen or taking a nap or realizing I haven’t eaten yet so I make some food. Then I realize I can’t workout right away so…
1400 – Nap. This is kind of the Twilight Zone of my day. If I have to run errands I will leave the house now. If I’m going into my dark place I will nap now. I can’t really account for this time. It’s like when you log into your bank account and are like “what the hell do I do with all my money?” and Target and Chipotle only account for 75% of what you expected. I dunno.
1700 – Maury is on again šŸ™‚ I also begin to mess up dinner. Trying to feed Major is like feeding something that never stops eating. And one of his favorite restaurants is Sizzler, if that says anything about his nutrition. I finally had to just make us both the same protein then vegetables for me and a starchy, packaged thing for him so he doesn’t just annihilate my pantry.
Rest of the night – about four nights a week we will go on a walk around the Stepfordville where we live. It’s a good three miles so it’s a nice jaunt. Then we eat food. Then watch TV. Major started his masters so then he goes to do homework and I Internet and have wine. Riveting.


I don’t know where the rest of my pictures went that were lovely additions to this post but here’s something weird I found a few days ago.

Technically, I have time to do this every night. I just didn’t want to. I still feel weird. I went from answering to everyone every day to making 80,000 fucking paper rosettes for wreaths. The latest masterpiece caused me a paper cut under my thumbnail and I burned my finger with the glue gun. There might be literal blood in my sister’s Christmas wreath. I sit in my craft room (yes, I have a CRAFT ROOM) and fold paper and listen to “You Made it Weird with Pete Holmes” and just chill out. Outside of a couple of times in the bathtub in the middle of the day, I don’t drink until way after dinner. So I’m not sitting around drinking all day, dillholes. (We have a sweet fucking tub though. It’s one of those giant soaking tubs with whirlpool jets in it. I’m contemplating a category for here called “thoughts from the tub – NOT SEXUAL” where I sit in the tub fully clothed and write. I always have good ideas in shower so why not?) So I guess what I’m saying is I’ll be around again for a while. Might as well. I think I’m going to stop now because the Gold Bond Rough Skin lotion I got is flaking all over my arm and it’s kinda gross. I gotta go.

ICYMI: umm everything?

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