I wonder

I try not to write unless I have something to say because nothing is more boring than going on and on about what you ate that day, unless you’re a REAL food critic. Today, I have so much to say that I can’t get my mind to settle down and focus so I’m just going to launch off.

There are a great many things I don’t understand about the interactions between men and women. On a broader scale, I realize we have different chromosomes and probably mental synapses but it’s also probably mostly my own nonsense. I don’t understand the rules for making new friends of the opposite, straight sex as an adult. I immediately go to “what does he really want” in my brain. I have a lot of boundaries. Shocking, I know. I like everything to be very clear cut and black and white. Ambiguity makes me crazy. Well, my perception of ambiguity makes me crazy. So naturally the easiest thing to do is be an asshole and not bother with someone if you aren’t dating them. Why do you want to talk to me if we aren’t banging? I don’t get it.

Last night I had forced social interaction with coworkers, known as team dinner. It was a great time actually. We went to this jazz club to see Sly and the Family Stone. First, I guess Sly is drugged out of his mind now so there is a different singer but the drummer, sax player and trumpeter are all a part of the original band. They have been playing together for 46 years. Say what?! Second, I actually recognized most of their songs. “IIIIIIIIII-I-I-I-I, am every day people!” The trumpeter and sax player made me smile until my face hurt. The whole band was wearing their own version of a shiny teal top and black pants. These two were 65 years old, rocking leather pants and just JAMMING OUT. It made me so happy. I hope I am able to have half the passion for something for half the amount of time that they had for their music. At one point she, the trumpeter, yelled “get out, squares!” into the mic. It was the best moment of the show. She also changed from her heels into these awesome orthopedic sandals at one point. Whatever helps you keep dancing. No judgement from this woman, at least.

An awful, awful thing happened in Connecticut today, one that I can’t fathom. I keep oscilating between anger and sadness and no report or opinion or different angle of coverage will change the outcome. One sick boy took his anger and frustration out on people and children that had nothing to do with his problem. We can rant all we want about gun control and protection but until we get serious about mental illness and effective and consistent help, these things will happen. If you take away guns someone will simply find another way. You aren’t fixing the real problem. I’d be curious to see the statistics of health care of a nation and if there is a correlation to violence with deadly weapons. It also hurts my heart as a childless woman to think why would I want to bring something so precious into this world and risk it being taken away. It would crush me. I know some of you will think that it’s a rare occurrence but it seems like you can’t take them to school, the movies, the mall or pretty much anywhere without something awful happening lately. Today as I was reflecting on what happened in Connecticut and a few awful things that happened at work this week I thought “OK, it’s not the end of the world…” and I actually paused. I didn’t laugh. Our downfall won’t be the end of a certain kind of calendar that some natives used thousands of years ago. It will be because we didn’t look out for each other.


I wonder

8 thoughts on “I wonder

  1. It’s tough to really treat somebody with Asbergers. I have a friend effected by it. He’s socially awkward but he’s quite intelligent. It’s so difficult to understand what’s wrong with him without him actually telling you something is wrong. There’s only so much we can do for the mentally disabled. A dementia patient could have done the same thing and nobody would understand why. There is no good answer to solving this. We either rescind our freedoms on fire arms or we start locking up anybody who looks shady enough to kill. There’s no easy answer to this… Nancy Lanza was her own undoing by purchasing all those firearms. She was probably blinded by the thought that her child would never be capable of doing something so gruesome. No parent wants to think badly of their child.

    As far as the kindergarten class goes, we may never find out what made Adam do what he did to those poor kids.

    1. So I started replying then my technological ineptness failed me so here we go again: the whole thing makes my heart hurt. I hate that people are blaming the mom. I hate that they are blaming guns. I hate that all those kids had to suffer and the teachers and the first responders. The first time I broke was when the president started crying then the picture of the little girl walking out of the school in her mom’s coat with her fuzzy pillow thing. She was probably only about 6. Kids shouldn’t have to ever see this. I’m a big believer in faith, hope and love and it’s pretty fucking shaky right now.

      1. Well, as the saying goes, guns don’t kill people… people kill people. As far as the mother goes, it’s extremely difficult to blame her since there are reports that she actually left that school, 2 years prior, to tend to Adam, who was increasingly becoming more bizarre. As a parent of a 5 year old, yea, this is highly disturbing and scary. It could have happened anywhere. But as a parent, I also know I can only do so much for my child. So though I know I’m a loving parent trying to make the most out of a difficult situation with my divorce… that shouldn’t turn my kid into a mass murderer. People look for whatever they can find to be like “Oh! Well he was this! And he was that! That’s why he did it.” You know what, my parents raised me perfectly well… it’s not their fault I decided to light a fire outside of a dorm building after a final. After a while, kids make decisions for themselves… and Adam was 20… he was far from being just “some kid”

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