let me explain

This is my quarterly update to this blog. I’m pretty awesome at not writing for a really long time, if I do say so myself. In my defense, I do it all day at work and recently it hasn’t been going very well so excuse me if I lost my writing boner for a while. The other main reason is that I haven’t had time. Well what the hell have you been doing, Kate? Allow me to explain.

So Captain deployed to summer camp in Afghanistan back in July and I was fucking SAD. I moped around for a good two weeks or better thinking “woe is me, blah blah blah” as if I was the only one on the planet going through a deployment. Times like this I remember all that estrogen coursing through my veins and my vagina betrays me so I have to punch myself in the box and get it together. So I did what any other woman would do and decided to enter a fitness competiton, you know where you wear a bikini and 5 inch stripper heels and get a sweet, fake tan and stand on a stage. Allow me to explain more.

The moping around I mentioned before included sitting in my sweats and drinking by myself. I couldn’t let that shit go on for ten months. I worked really hard over the last couple of years to get the drinking down and I didn’t want to let it creep back in. I’m not sure if I’m certain or even comfortable saying I had a problem but I know that after my concussion, I had less control over how drunk I would get and how fast and it was troublesome. The other issue was that I worked pretty hard to start losing weight and I had come to a decent plateau. I figured now that I have ten months of nothing to do but work that it was time to spend it focused on me and my health.

So I know immediately out of the three of you reading this, that at least one is thinking fitness competitions aren’t “healthy”. First, shut up. I don’t want to hear it. This is what it entails: eating clean, like SUPER clean, and lifting weights and doing cardio. How fucking unhealthy is that? Second, regardless of what the show looks like, you train HARD. Anyone that wants to knock it is more than fucking welcome to get up with me at 4 am and get to the gym for my first cardio session (some days I lift in the morning, depending on what time I need to be at work) and then work a full day and then go back and finish another cardio and/or weights. Suck it. Hahaha, ok I feel better. But for real, it’s intense. Then you have to spend a bit of time prepping all your food and measuring and weighing and putting things in little baggies, etc. It’s definitely a second job. I was supposed to do a show in early November and I completely lost my shit because I wasn’t organized and was getting tired so one bad day happened and I threw up my hands and said “fuck this shit” and you know what? Three days later I really regretted it but I knew I had to rally and come up with a new plan. So here I am, 20 weeks out from my REAL first show in April.

Some of you may fondly remember the other fitness project I started in the spring and that wasn’t a good fit for me. That’s about all I will say about it, other than I’m sure most of you thought WTF is she talking about and what is she trying to sell me? Well, this is a better fit. My little Mexican guru and trainer and posing coach is awesome and if she thought I was in danger or I was being stupid she would tell me in an instant–TRUST ME. The woman has no problem telling me when I’m being a dumbass.

So that’s about all I have to say for now. Tomorrow we have team training in the morning and it will involve walking up and down about 40,000 outside steps if it isn’t pouring. I made it through 7 circuits last time so hopefully I can get through 8 this time. If we have posing practice then that means I have to shave my legs and I don’t really do that very often since summer camp won’t be over until May or whenever they send him back.

Now, on to fake boobs. I used to think that they were gross and weird but I have to say now that I know people with them and have seen what happens in this cruel world when a woman loses weight, I totally get it. I’m not going to run out and get a big ol’ pair of EE’s or anything but if someone said “Hey, want some high quality, sized for your frame, free boobs?” I would say yes. That is all. I have flank steak and chicken to measure out. See ya in 1Q13!

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let me explain

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