conflicted

That is generally how I feel at any given moment about a variety of subjects. I like to over think. This week was mostly about Captain’s Christmas present, which I sorted out last night so I bought it today. Done. It’s pretty rad and I think he’s going to love it and maybe he’ll stop leaving dishes in a sink full of grease in repayment. Here are some other things I think about often and how it takes up brain space.

I suck at being timely and organized in my personal life. Well, I suck at things that don’t directly result in me getting fired. A few weeks ago, or maybe a month ago, I don’t know,  I “adopted” a senior citizen for Christmas. She is 90 and she wants a blue velour suit. I had to go to a few JC Penneys to find it and I’m not entirely sure I got the right one. I also can’t find the email saying which assisted care facility she lives in so I have no idea where to send it now because my piece of shit Blackberry keeps every transaction on the PLANET except shit I need. I have a size large blue velour sweat suit and no fucking idea what to do with it. I don’t even dislike anyone enough to send it as a regift. I have a feeling I now own a new set of pajamas or Auburnsas fancy grocery store outfit.

Saying/writing the word fuck: I say it all the time. I even started saying it to select coworkers. I probably should stop but they encourage it.  Sometimes I feel badly when I write it into things as well. It seems crass and I should be able to come up with another word or something more imaginative. But then I realized I don’t want to and it doesn’t fucking matter. I had my year-end review today and my bosses said I am awesome basically. Not only do I have four times the work statement but it’s that much more complex as well. I communicate to over 6,000 employees a week and do it gracefully, diplomatically and succinctly. So go fuck yourselves, nerds. I like saying fuck. Fuck. I also get excited when cops beat down protestors that aren’t accomplishing anything except contributing to city overtime budgets for cops and the other city workers that have to clean their shit up. Either get a focus and accomplish something or get a job. Any job.

Exercise: I actually do enjoy it. I got a new workout and it’s pretty good. I made it a week into it and got up early to work out. Then last week I couldn’t really get out of bed so I worked out after work instead. Not bad, but not what I intended. Yesterday we went for a walk instead of doing my crazy ass jumping around and I was going to lift and jump around this morning. I had a shitty night’s sleep and woke up with a sore throat and everyone at work was admitting they were sick last week and dragged their crap in for everyone to share. I hate people who share germs. It makes me want to punch their throats so they have something to be sore about. I think I get one grace day then I should probably do it tomorrow but I’m useless today.

Cooking: actually I mostly hate it. I have a frozen block of chicken tenders in the sink and I’m thinking they won’t defrost before I want to go to bed so I might boil them and have boiled chicken this week. You know, shout out to my Irish side and their disgusting cooking. At least I still have my drinking and flaming temper.

My temper: almost got me in massive trouble at work this week until I started crying. Yep, cried at work. It was in my boss’s office so it doesn’t really count except for this and the four people who will read it. Some times it’s funny because they remember I am not from here but then sometimes they pull me aside and tell me I must have patience. I’m not sure they understand that I was swallowing all my rage until that explosive moment so I was trying to hold back.

Ok, I am bored of this.

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conflicted

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