I’m an astigmatic sounds better than I have astigmatism. It also sounds like I’m an idiot. I found that out at the optometrist on Thursday and my new glasses won’t be ready until after the holiday. As I was driving into Seattle today I had one of those “how big is the universe?” panic attacks because the doctor was trying to explain what that means and apparently the lens of my eye is defective so images are stretched out. I should have been concerned about the Volvo ahead of me that refused to go a consistent speed instead of speeding up then slamming on the brakes but I kept wondering if new glasses would change my view of the world and I started FREAKING OUT a bit. Why can’t be we like dogs and have no idea what we don’t know?

The frames lady at the optometrist was nice. In fact, the entire staff was nice. I picked the office because they are right down the street and I thought I would get a Polish doctor because the sign said Dr. -ski. I got Dr. Choi but she was great. I might keep her. Anyway, after my eyeball proding and shining the sun in my pupils I got to pick frames. I am supposed to wear them all the time and while I drive and at night when I drive so I had to pick something that will be on my face the majority of the time. I have a giant face and square frames look best so we started there. She handed me a pair that looked good until I took them off and noticed there were four rhinestones on the side. “How about something without bling?,” I asked nicely. Ok, more frames. “Ok, how about something a bit simpler?” I asked again. She kept handing me frames that were bright pink and had fancy ear pieces and had bling. “Ok, let’s cut to the chase: I am square. I work in a conservative industry with middle aged men and engineers. I need to keep this simple. For real.” I ended up with a darling pair of tortoise shell Vera Wang square frames. I also got the anti-glare, scratch resistant lenses. I figured I shouldn’t skimp on my eyeballs. I noticed that our vision plan at works sucks though. Hopefully these last me a while.

It is T-minus 60 days until my 30th birthday and I am on a dangerous, slippery slope. A couple weekends ago I bought Pajama Jeans. Yep, the one and only: Roll them into a cute cuff! Captain found them at KMart and I was tempted so I did it. Pros: they are comfortable and very soft. Cons: they do NOT look like real, designer jeans and now I have to admit that I bought PAJAMA JEANS. I have worn them in public. Then today, I wore my slippers to the IHOP for breakfast. It’s like the WalMart of breakfast places so I didn’t feel bad. Then I went into the big city and wore normal boots. My ankle was killing me by the time I got back to Captain’s so I put my slippers back on to drive home and just left them on when I went to the grocery store. I am enjoying this justification but I know it’s bad. I got my slippers from LL Bean with a gift certificate one year. I used to steal them from my heterolifemate in college so I finally got my own pair and I love them. But maybe I love them too much. Captain and I were discussing Christmas wish lists and I told him I’d like a robe to lounge in. “I’m going to get one in a design you’d hate so you won’t wear it out.” I told him I would NEVER do that, but now, I see his point. I must be stopped.


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