Let me tell you a bit about what I did last night. First, I came home and had a snack with Shiner then put on my pajamas. It was 4 pm. I think I watched an episode of Sex and the City but I can’t remember. I woke up because the neighborhood dogs were all barking and my landlord slammed some equipment into the side of my shack. It was 6:30 anyway, so I got up. I attempted to make a wrap but those dirty hippies at Trader Joe’s make their flax-seed whole wheat wraps with saw dust and the wrap fell apart, even after I heated it. I was almost tempted to eat this MRE
but it was the most beautiful gift I’ve ever received, so I just want to hold it a bit longer. I watched some more crappy TV and then called Captain. We proceeded to have a lengthy discussion about why I hate my job and what I can do to not freak out and run away.
As a caveat, I have had PMS for about a week now. The P portion of this mental week is worse than the MS part. Instead of just getting it over with, it drags on and I’m tired and grumpy and useless so I haven’t worked out or been functional beyond the basics for almost a week now. I’m finally getting antsy so it’s breaking tide but son of a BITCH I wanted to kill everything. However, this job hate hasn’t gone away. Before you jump, I realize two things. First, almost everyone hates their job and even folks that do enjoy what they do probably want a day off now and then. Second, yes yes I’m lucky to have a job. I realize it’s a super snotty complaint to say I’m not fulfilled in my job right now and I want some professional validation wah wah wah. I tell myself to shut the fuck up all the time so don’t worry. I remember what it’s like to be unemployed and the only job you can get sucks your soul into the time clock when you punch in but I also know I survived that, and I hope I’m wiser from it. Hope. This Kids in the Hall sketch often makes me feel better: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OWLiGG5kM2o That being said, I’m also not doing anything to fix the situation either. Last year, when I was bummed out because I gained a bunch of weight I finally realized the only way to fix it was to get off my ass and talk to my doctor and now I’m on my way, except for the last three days. I found the exercise that works for me that I will stick to, understand better nutrition habits and portion control, read fitness articles and blogs and check in with a few friends on their progress. This all equals being proactive to change a situation you are unhappy with. What have I done to change my professional situation? Nothing. I whine when my alarm goes off, waste time in the shower, fiddle fuck around with the dog, commute at the worst time of the morning, then mope at my desk all day. Then I get home and nap/work out, talk to Captain, go to bed, repeat. It’s great.
So during the discussion last night, he had a good suggestion, if not lucrative initially. “Why don’t you write one piece for yourself after you finish an assignment for work? Like one for them, one for you?” Actually a great suggestion. I may keep him around. My biggest problem with my job is the writing. I don’t mind editing, in fact I love it. It keeps me from sounding like a dumbass. EXCEPT when they edit my technical pieces and fuck it up. I don’t have the patience to go into it right now, but it happens frequently. Why? Because honestly they don’t have the technical background. I’m not an engineer or a scientist but I’ve been at this for 14 years now. That’s actually a scary thought. So then I become a smarmy bitch who thinks she’s far smarter than everyone else. That’s fine if you have an escape plan but you should probably keep it together until you do. So, 714 words later, the point is I should be doing this more often. And not whining, real writing, real stories. Captain tried to give me some plot ideas but it was something about homeless people in Auburn in 1700 or some shit. Honestly, I was really tired and I just wanted to watch Buffy’s new show, Ringer http://cwtv.com/shows/ringer, so I was fading from the conversation at that point. Sorry, darling 🙂 That show was great by the way. Buffy is rad. I’m glad she’s back.
So my new process is to probably draft things at night. I already have to be up for work early, so it will be here first. Then the next morning I will post it to my Facebook fan page, k8’s blog. If I had any idea how to link that from here, I would. But if you have FB just search it, like it, read it. Then I will post the link to my private page that night. So you get a few hours jump on the other four people who read this. Then let the literary magic begin! It might win a Pulitzer.