Smiling because someone else picks up his poop

I just took my dog outside, in the misty rain, and realized how absurd it is to own a dog. I stood there congratulating him for taking a dump. No one has ever been that excited that I took a dump. When I was about six years old took a $400 dump. I freaked out because I couldn’t poop so my mom, bless her, took me to the emergency room. They made me lay sideways on an exam table then a lady doctor put her finger up my butt, took some x-rays and told my mom to give me plenty of fluids. I was constipated and my dad gave me a lesson on the price of visiting the ER. I remember dangling off the top bar of the rickety swing set and he came out with the bill and asked me to remember to drink more juice and Kool Aid next time. Ok, Daddy!

Mourtney and I are getting a divorce but we just wanted to ensure the children understand it is NOT their fault. Actually, our lease is up and we would have to sign for a whole year again and I’m pretty sure we are both sick of living on the damn highway, making million-point turns to get out of the driveway/parking spaces, and just generally ready to move on. And just when we started sorting our junk mail daily and rinsing our milk glasses…oh well.

Random plugs: please listen to Ellie Goulding’s album, Lights, if you haven’t yet and Eddie Vedder’s Ukulele Songs. I can’t stop listening to them. Also, I am listening to Emperor Penguin by The Hip non-stop. “I like the tone of your trumpet…” They are brilliant. I’m pretty jealous that my mom, sister and friend are going to see them this weekend, but it wasn’t in the stars for me to come with them. Next time.

I have to go to Florida for a few days next week for work and it is terrible timing amidst this move. I have to get all my stuff into storage this weekend before this trip so they can come and clean the carpets and floors before our official move out date. I spent all day coordinating a corporate magazine story (the purpose of this trip) and it requires access to an Air Force base so I had to swear I was never convicted of murder, treason, espionage and terrorism. I’m fairly certain they would quickly discover if I was. I told my boss they put my name through extra screening after 9/11 before I could resume flight training (true story) and the look behind her eyes told me I am forever changed in her view. Anyway, my delayed point is that I was feeling very stressed out about all of this until I realized that it’s not actually stressful. I’m allowing it to stress me out, much like no one can make you feel badly unless you allow them. I know this is far from my typical disproportionate over-reaction to things. Maybe it’s my absence from the Northeast, maybe it’s a fraction of maturity, or maybe it’s my inevitable aneurism growing but either way, my new epiphany helps me get through my days.

I need a clever sign off but I keep putting my fingers slightly askew of the home row, so I think it’s time to call it a night. giid bught U kive tiy,


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s